Most ‘top 10 things to do before you die’ lists and bucket lists are all about going places and seeing things. Mainly being a spectator in life, travelling, looking at stuff and spending loads of your hard-earned cash getting there or buying stuff.
Here at Noodleburger international headquarters (AKA my 14-year-old couch) we’re not interested in the pompous things like riding an elephant in Thailand or going to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica. We’re just not that far up our own ass.
So, if you like that sort of stuff you’ve clicked on the wrong link. Perhaps light up your Himalayan salt lamp and listen to some whale song instead.
Cheech and Chong said it best: make like a bakery truck and haul your buns out of here.
Lots of websites say you will never need to read another bucket list again. They write stuff like “trust us when we say this is the mother lode of bucket lists, the bucket list to end all bucket lists”.
They use a lot of exclamation marks as well!! 🙂
These are real things that I have done or want to do, as well as boshing it around in the pub and asking others.
This is realistic.
…and you’re probably going to need to read loads of other bucket lists. This one isn’t the one-and-only definitive last bucket list that you’ll ever need, unlike the claims of some.
Most of these things are not your instant gratification, spend your money and just indulge yourself experiences. You’re going to need to work at them. And that means they are going to be way more valuable.
Some of these have been dropped in from pals. It’s not been rigorous, but it will make you more interesting when you’re trapped in a lift with a bunch of strangers for 3 hours. So, get stuck in and do some of this kickass stuff. Do it. Do it now you crazy shining leather clad suitcase of sunbeams.
OK, some of this requires a bit of cash. But not the stoopid amounts of wedge that seeing the blue footed booby birds doing a mating dance in the Galapagos will cost. WTF. FFS.
Right. Here we go now. A sociology lecture. (recognise the reference? If not, Google is your friend. Aaah yeah).
The Top Ten Things You Need To Do In Your Life
That’s if you want to.
1. Learn To Board
Whether it’s snowboarding, surfing, skateboarding, flowboarding or mountain boarding, standing sideways on a board gives you a whole new perspective on the world.
Snowboarding came first for me, then the other board sports dropped in afterwards. I wanted to experience that boarding thrill without having to head to the snowy mountains.
I was in my 30s before I started skateboarding. That was a bit weird at the park.
Go for it, dive in, it’s a kick.
Here’s me and some pals grassing it up at Another World mountain boarding centre in South Yorkshire.
Flowriding at the Flow House in Bedford
2. Bungee Jump
This is definitely worth doing if you’re not happy with heights. It won’t cure your phobia, but it will make for an exciting descent.
I have trouble with heights. Even climbing up a ladder I start doing that panic breathing thing. It’s ludicrous. Thing is, if something worries you, then I think you’ve got to go and do it. Facing up to stuff that terrifies you will make your life more fulfilling. Oh, and a bonus – it could just make your life feel longer too.
Check out my bungee jump experience in the video below.
3. Learn To Ride A Motorcycle
This is one of the most fulfilling things I have done. Here in the UK there’s something called the Direct Access Scheme (DAS), which allowed me to undergo four weeks of intense study and training and get my full motorcycle licence without having to have held a previous licence for a smaller bike for two years.
After passing a rigorous range of theory and practical tests I had no restrictions on the size of machine I could ride.
I got into bikes quite late. I was into my cars. But I did some quad biking with a few buddies and that switched me on to the thrill of stripping down the driving experience to a fuel tank, some wheels and an engine. Raw.
You’ve got to keep your awareness, but riding a sickle is a great skill to have and the feeling of freedom is one that everyone should experience. Also, as there is a different interpretation of road rules and a new mindset, you start to improve your car driving skills as well.
4. Grow Your Hair
It’s mainly for the guys this one.
Like a lot of fellas, my hair has fluctuated between quite short and proper short for the last 25 years. Then at the end of January this year I had my last proper haircut. It was cut short, very short. But then I stopped getting it cut.
I think I also wanted to stand out a bit more. I’ve always kinda been that way anyway. Yeah, I know, everyone wants to be different, which probably makes me the same as everyone else! Anyway, I also liked the idea that it wasn’t instant gratification. I was going to need to be patient.
So, I missed a haircut. And then another. I had the ends tidied up after a few months. And then things started to go very wrong on top of my head. But it’ll be worth it.
You have to do this. At some point in your life. It’s a thing that takes some dedication, but go for it. Be it.
This is the first part of my journey. Most of it is wrong, but don’t let that put you off. Power on through.
Only 2% of dudes have long hair. 1 in every 50. There’s a reason for that. Anyone can have short hair. It takes commitment, dedication and determination to become a longhair.
5. Shave Your Head
It’s probably worth doing this one before you commit to 18 months of growing your hair out…
Again. like growing your hair, this is about moving away from the mainstream and being your own person. I’ve shaved my head right down with clippers just a few times, but never gone for the completely bald razor look. Yet.
Even if you go for this one and don’t like it, it’ll only take 8 to 10 weeks for enough of your hair to grow back in. Maybe grow yourself a kickass beard at the same time for that 1-2 knockout killer punch.
Once you’ve shaved your head you will feel awesome. If you’re on the edge of thinking about shaving your head, just do it. If you falter, just think that it will always grow back. Trust me on this one, you’ll love it!
6. Learn To Backflip
Dang! This is a tough one, but how cool would it be to be able to pull off a backflip? You’re probably going to need some training.
You’re also going to need to be fairly fit. Before I started I had been doing the Insanity workout for 6 weeks or so.
I joined a local gymnastics class for a few weeks. They had a big ass foam pit which I started off back flipping into.
The main problem with a back flip is that it just feels unnatural to jump backwards and flip upside down. My brain was telling me I shouldn’t be doing this. First off I just fell back into the pit, then did some weird side flipping stuff. Once I got my head into it, the foam pit was my friend and I was able back flip into it no trouble.
Then I moved to crash mats, which I could just about manage.
Another great way of practicing is to get a load of mattresses and pillows and pile them up to land on. Make sure you don’t hurt yourself in the early stages.
Anyway, for me, life got in the way and I stopped practicing, This was about 18 months ago now and I never got back into it. I’ve still not been able to do a backflip on grass.
This is one that I still need to properly tick off my list. And I’m getting older, so I need to nail this one down before it gets too late.
There are plenty of videos on YouTube to help you get in the back flip zone.
Here’s a pretty good one. Be safe, you excitable upside down sack of chemical reactions.
7. Fly A Helicopter
This is the most amazing thing that I have ever done. I’d recommend everyone to try it. If it was possible, I’d do this every day.
I’ve flown a plane. That was a bit dull. It’s basically like driving a car, but with nothing to crash into. You point the aircraft and just look around to make sure there’s nobody else in your airspace.
Flying a plane is a bit dull
Helicopters are different. With a plane, it remains stable until you make it do something. With a helicopter, it’s constantly unstable and you need to make tiny adjustments all the time to stop it careering out of control. The amount of concentration required is stupendous.
Helicopters are cool. I am not.
Here’s me coming in to land on my first helicopter lesson.
Getting my head around the controls, pre-flight
I guess it’s a bit like skiing and snowboarding. Both be great fun, but anyone can ski almost straight away – like an aeroplane. Snowboarding takes a lot more practice and skill to get proficient – like a helicopter.
8. Sleep In A Skip
Not a glamorous one to add to the list, but definitely one that you have to do. The best type of skip is one of those big supermarket ones that have a hinged lid. They’re also likely to be full of cardboard to give you a fairly comfortable night’s sleep.
This happened to one of my buddies when he was out of town, supposed to be sleeping at his pal’s digs after a night out. Anyways, he got split up from the main group, lost his phone and couldn’t work out where his pal’s house was. This was around 2am after a skin full.
He knew he lived near a Tesco supermarket, but that’s all. So he got a taxi to a random Tesco and was none the wiser. Next best thing: Tesco skip for the night.
The great thing about a supermarket skip is when you wake up in the morning you’re right next to a place where you can get washed up and buy yourself a kickass breakfast before going on your way.
Oh, and my buddy? Turns out he had chosen the right supermarket and once the sun came up he could work out his way back to his pal’s house.
He never did get his phone back though.
9. Ride A Unicycle
Me trying to maintain control of my tongue while unicycling
I was at this wedding a few years back, sportspeople and Olympians all over the place. I got talking to this one guy and he told me he worked as a trick shot golf unicyclist. Pretty weird.
He happened to have a unicycle in the back of his car.
After a few beers, he went to fetch it and a few of us gave it a pop. Dang, it was almost impossible, but I managed to grab onto a bench and get myself a bit of motion.
I wanted to conquer it. A few months later I bought myself a unicycle and got stuck in. I’m still not that great, but I ain’t so bad.
This is another one that I need to polish up and become proficient in. One day. Maybe.
10. Ride A Horse
This kinda happened by mistake. One of my buddies was trying to get his girlfriend to snowboard. She was proper into her horses and told him that to get her on a board he needed to learn how to ride a horse.
He wasn’t into it, but asked if I was up for joining him and learning alongside.
Well, I figured the only reason to learn would be if we went on a horse riding adventure, trekking out across the landscape and stopping at inns every night before continuing our journey.
So, I learned and we went for it.
Turns out I loved the whole horse riding thing. My buddy? He liked it not so much.
It’s a regular thing for me and my girlfriend now. Grabbing a couple of maps, a compass and some horses, then heading out into the hills away from civilization. Dang, that has to be one of the best getaways possible. Do it. Go full cowboy.
Did You Like This Post?
So, that’s my top 10 of things you need to do before you go full corpse.
Which of these have you mastered? Any on there that you are trying at the moment? Come on, don’t be shy, let me know. I’d love to hear from you about the stuff that you’ve gone out and owned. Go conquer the world, don’t be no timid shrinking dumb ass screwball, it just doesn’t suit you.